Landing page review πŸŽ† writing is rewriting

Jeff
Landing page review  πŸŽ†  writing is rewriting
Table of Contents
Table of Contents

I review the landing page for a mobile app that provides a fresh take on the crowded to-do list/productivity/don't hate yourself market.

"Celebrate anything you want with WINS." So reads the headline of this well-designed landing page for a mobile app that provides a fresh take on the crowded to-do list/productivity/don't hate yourself market.

The site is effective on both mobile and desktop, but since WINS is a mobile app we'll be taking a look at the landing page as seen on mobile.

Not too much preamble here. Let's get it. πŸŽ†

As always, see the full landing page at the bottom of the post.

The way I see things...

When I look at a landing page, I look at four key areas.

  • Audience Is there a clear audience and does the page speak to that audience?
  • Copy Is the copy concise, engaging, and is there a consistent voice?
  • Design Is the overall design functional, nice to look at, and accessible? How does it make me feel?
  • Calls to action Are there clear CTAs that demand attention and do what they say they are going to do?

You've piqued my winterest

When I navigate to celebratewins.io only one word jumps to mind - clean. 🚿

The DM Sans font, the muted palette, the simple and well-placed call to action, and the Product Hunt badge above the fold. From a design standpoint, this works really well.

It is not clear exactly what WINS is, who WINS is for, or how I celebrate with WINS, but I am intrigued to learn more. The design alone has pulled me in.

Don't you (forget about me)

The "Learn More" CTA is simple and effective, but on tap/click it scrolls past the first iPhone frame that shows a nice example of the app UI and the first set of copy points.

Since the Learn More exists above the fold, I am directed to click/tap that action rather than just scroll down. That means I am not going to see the first animation nor those three brief copy points. The page is structured so that I miss half the content.

via GIPHY

We skip right over an animation that beautifully illustrates an important experience in the app. A big green button. Press.🎈Balloons🎈! This is a great piece of content, but the design asks users to fly right past it.

We also skate by three copy points. If these are not important or useful enough to qualify for the "Learn More" section of the page, then they do not need to be included.

Copy this

If you absolutely must include the three smaller icon/paragraph duos, they should be moved below the larger feature description section. I also have some copy suggestions to make these points a little bit tighter.

Writing is rewriting. It is much easier to write long, meandering sentences than to write concise sentences. People don't think like the dialogue in your favorite movie. It takes time to peel away unnecessary layers. Put the work in.

Celebrate regularly

Be more concise. Extra words clutter the sentence and make it more difficult to read and internalize.

Celebrate anything

I enjoy the humor here, but I'd like to see more examples of the small WINS I can celebrate.

Celebrate more

Write clearly. The phrase "contribute towards enjoying" is a bit clumsy. Write with conviction. Don't "contribute towards" goals - achieve them. Don't have "larger goals" - have ambitious goals.


Now featuring...

I tapped "Learn More" and have zoomed down the page, and I am now at the first large feature description.

There is good visual hierarchy among the section headers, headlines, and paragraphs. The animations of the iPhone frame sliding in from different directions on scroll are a nice dynamic touch alongside the clean design, sparse color, and white space. No complaints.

But, as you may have guessed, I do have some issues with the copy. Though I completely agree with the sentiment on all these points, the writing can be made more engaging, concise, and punchier. See below and let me know if you agree.

Small WINS

This is more like a philosophy lesson than a useful bit of information, but the message is good marketing copy. The same idea can be conveyed with 25% of the original word count. The shorter paragraph below is easier to read and looks clean.

I still don't know exactly what the app does, but I do want to feel unstoppable πŸ₯Š, so I'll keep scrolling.

Specific WINS

Alright - now the picture is starting to come into focus. It's a sort of productivity or to-do list app, but instead of crossing items off you count up your WINS and receive some emotional bonus points. I should be able to make this connection on page load without taking a single action.

The language can be tightened up on this point as well. "On it being good enough" adds no value and can easily be removed. Remember, short attention spans need crisp, clear writing.

All WINS

The writing can be cleaned up here too. Again, the idea of the copy is good but the meaning is lost in the unclear wording. Make sure your point is conveyed clearly. Don't give your visitors an excuse to stop scrolling down.

Play local shows first, then you'll headline Coachella

Now that I understand the app's functionality, I know why I wasn't able to clearly identify an audience - there isn't one.

WINS may appeal to a broad user base since everyone has things to do and WINS to celebrate, but the content should be targeted to a subset of the iOS market.

Identifying a specific set of target users allows you to tailor your messaging to capture users who will fall in love with your product. Your fanatical users will become your marketing department.

The testimonials section is a nice addition, but I am not a fan of carousels. I know displaying testimonials this way is a trend right now, but it must stop. Carousels are not great for accessibility, they have shockingly low click-through rates (an old, often cited article, but see here. I have experienced similar drop-off in my own work).

Users ignore carousels in most situations and, more often than not, will never see beyond the first item. Of course, there are exceptions to the rule (see Netflix or Amazon)

In 99% of cases, don't bury your content in a carousel.

So, what did we learn?

Overall, this is a nice landing page. The copy recommendations I provided tighten up and elevate the writing so that it is on a level playing field with the great design. This improves the user experience by making the entire page feel unified. The WINS app is an interesting way to package and make new what is an overdone idea and I am interested to see what the team does next.

βœ”οΈ The design and layout guide your users. If you are purposefully skipping over portions of your page, reconsider whether that content is necessary.
βœ”οΈ Writing is rewriting. Eliminate words and phrases that don't add to the meaning of the sentence or match your brand's voice/identity.
βœ”οΈ Even if you are product appeals to a large user base, start with a specific target user in mind. It will be much easier to capture the rest of the market later. Not easy, but easier.
βœ”οΈ Don't use a carousel 🚫🎠.

What do you think?

Reach out on and let me know what you think.

Check out the full landing page here.



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